The Strangest Turn Of Events I've Ever Encountered!

Okay, we all know my sob story about the kitty named Blanca or Leo. Now, here's the kicker!

This morning, I was reading some of your very kind and sweet comments and crying a little bit about the nasty fate facing this poor cat. A woman came to the front door with a small child in tow.

I peeked out the window and debated whether or not to answer the door since I wasn't dressed. I figured, screw it, see who it is and opened the door.

Standing there was my neighbor Stacy. I wouldn't call us "friends" but she lives across the street and about 6 houses down and I know her to say hello to.

Stacy said "Robert told me you got bitten by a cat". (Robert is my neighbor across the street.) I replied that I had been bitten and started telling Stacy the saga of the kitty coming to my front door begging for food. She looked at me and said "Was it Ralphie?"

"Stacy, who is Ralphie?" I inquired. Ralphie is her cat who went missing a few days ago. I described the cat to her and she asked quite a few questions which I tried to answer. I told her I had taken the cat to the SPCA to get it neutered if it hadn't been but that the cat was clearly very underweight. She said it sounded like her cat who had been missing for the last week, but that her cat was already neutered.

"Where is my cat now?" she asked me. I told her I had taken him to the Shelter in town, and that he was being held in quarantine for 10 days because of the bites he had given me. She wanted to know why he was in quarantine and I responded that it was the law because of the danger of Rabies. (Stacy responded angrily that Ralphie did not have Rabies and that was ridiculous!) Then she asked did he bite you when you were trying to capture him?

I responded "No, he bit me when I turned to walk away after I fed him." By this time, I realized Stacy was angry as hell that I had interfered with her Ralphie.

Uh, excuse me. You let your cat outside with no identification, no collar or license, he's not chipped, and I haven't the foggiest idea who the cat is. And all this is my fault?

The cat is dirty, skinny, starving, and I'm supposed to guess that he belongs to someone in the neighborhood and just leave him alone?

Stacy was fairly abrupt when she left me. She was very upset that her cat might have been put down already. I understand that I guess. I did assure her that they would have to keep an eye on the cat for 10 days to assure he did not have rabies. So it was unlikely that Ralphie would not be waiting for her at the shelter.

After she left, I remembered that I had photos of the cat on my iphone and so I dressed and took the phone over to Stacy's house so she could try and make a positive identification.

"That's Ralphie!" she cried out! (By this time I knew of course it was fucking Ralphie.) Since Stacy and her hubby seemed more angry at me for my "help" than anything else, I felt kind of stupid over the whole thing.

I have $500 in co-pay charges from the ER visits and that I guess that should be enough to teach me not to get involved with animals who could belong to someone else. But it probably won't.

More than anything else, I'm so glad that this saga has a happy ending for that kitty! In other words, all's well that ends well, right?

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

I really cannot make this a funny piece. There is too much sadness and too much just generally wrong right now.

I took my little kitty (Blanca or Leo) to the SPCA on Friday morning at 7 AM to get him or her fixed and to get shots. The vet took a quick look, said it was a male and he had been neutered. Upon a short examination, he also said he was a very old cat, and a very sick cat. The kitty had pneumonia and probably feline leukemia and was in very bad shape. His extremely low weight was probably caused from illness more than lack of food.

I was stunned and upset when he also said that the cat would have to be taken to a private vet and given oral antibiotics for at least 2 weeks twice a day, probably require hospitalization for a while, and kept inside for at least a month. I really don't have the resources to care for this cat.

I asked him if someone could just give him a shot of antibiotics and if I could just let him live outside and continue feeding him, and he said no. That simply wouldn't work because this was a very sick cat.

I had to consider my own cat, Smokey, and realized I could not expose him to a very sick cat. I decided it would make sense to take Leo to the Animal Shelter in the City I live in. There was a chance, although small, that someone (an owner) was looking for him. I was with my friend Nelson and I cried all the way to the Shelter, but didn't know what else to do.

I spoke to the people at the Shelter and told them about Leo's history with me. Because I was visibly upset, the people at the Shelter were very sympathetic to my plight and his. Still, what had to be had to be. They asked if he was friendly and I told them yes, primarily he was, but mentioned that he had bitten me a couple of times.

The Animal Control Police Officer said she would have to file a report on the incident and asked me where he had bitten me. I showed her my left leg where he had drawn blood twice.

The Shelter woman and the Police Officer both nearly gasped and told me that I had to get over to the local hospital immediately because I had a bad infection from the bites. I immediately began shaking with anxiety and terror. (I knew the area was red, hot, and painful, but I was trying to ignore it because I thought (hopefully) the antibiotic ointment I was using would clear it up.)

I went to the hospital ER and within 15 minutes had seen a doctor and was put on an IV containing massive doses of antibiotics. I was at the hospital for about 5 hours. The doctor recommended that I stay in the hospital for monitoring. I declined.

My other animals were home alone plus I am terrified of hospitals. The doctor let me leave with a lot of warnings to watch out for red lines going up my leg as well as other dire warnings that I would have to heed and return to the hospital immediately if they occurred. I stayed up for a solid 23 hours watching for the red line to appear. Fortunately, it did not. I was also given a prescription for 1000 mg of antibiotic that would have to be taken twice a day for the next 10 days.

The doctor insisted that I return to the hospital before 9 AM on Saturday morning so he could see how the area was coming along. It was a rough night.

I was checked on Saturday morning and the prognosis was fairly good. It looked less "angry" and the swelling was down which indicated that the antibiotics were going to work.

Poor Leo is being held in quarantine for the next 10 days to see if he has rabies. I doubt that he does, but I have no doubt that he will be put down as soon as his 10 days are up.

Sweet kitty, I am so sorry.

My Total Bitchification

She looks how I feel.

Did you ever have one of those days? Can't quite put your finger on what's wrong, but something is. And you are mad.

I woke up surly. At 8 AM, even my hair was surly. Well, shit.

My usually adorable and well mannered dogs, Harry and Honey have been evil bastards all day, barking for no reason and fighting over toys. My stupid cat, Smokey, pooped on the bed again. I threw out the litter he doesn't like and gave him the kind he does like and still he shits on the bed? Give me a break!

I had to go buy another stupid kitty litter box for the little cat I have kidnapped and stuck in the bathroom to take him or her to get mutilated tomorrow. The little cat isn't happy. Well tough cookies, Pal, I'm not either.

I put the cat in the bathroom that is the one that Alex uses every day to shower. I never even go in there except to clean. Fine. When I stick the cat in there, the door has something wrong and won't close. Great. So I take a piece of cloth and tie it to the doorknob and pull a chair over to hold it in place. I asked Alex "Did you know the door didn't close?" "Oh yeah", says he, from Georgia. Uh, why didn't you say something about it? How long has it been like this? "Oh about 10 years." Now do you see why I feel like smacking him? It used to close just fine. If it's not closing, let's get it fixed Alex.

I left water and 3 jingle bells on the floor for the cat so he can play with them if he gets bored. Hell, he can take a shower if he wants. I really don't care. Now, if I seem cold it's because my leg is hurting and bleeding from where that little son of bitch bit me for the second time today. I am not amused. See if I pay extra for your pain medication after they cut off your balls or your ovaries tomorrow little cat! Hah! Don't get mad, get even.

I have a dear friend who is a very conservative woman. I am a Republican, but not conservative (except when it comes to my money). I'm all for a woman's right to choose, legalizing pot, legalizing prostitution, legalizing gay marriage, public education and the strictest separation of church and state. I am not really pro higher taxes to pay for services that I have never used and never will. Still, I get tired of the President bashing.

I didn't particularly like George W, but I kept my opinion to myself. I voted for Obama, only because I wouldn't vote for Sarah Palin with McCain as old as he is and not in the best of health. Still, I avoid political rants. We all have opinions, but with politics, I'd just rather not go there!

My friend was up in arms over Obama not doing something to stop the disaster in the Gulf. I'm sorry, but what is he supposed to do? Go fix it? If we friggin' knew how to fix it, we would. We don't.

Then there was something about Indian Reservations being Sovereign Nations. Okay. And Indians don't even have to register for the Selective Service. Okay, stop right there. Large numbers of Native Americans enlist for military service and represent the highest per capita enlistment of any ethnic group in the United States. (This is not made up. It's real.)

During WWI, many Native Americans fought in the military, but were not even allowed US citizenship at that time. Irony, much?

Okay, I love my friend, but got really snotty with her over her email. I'm having a bad day. It's one of those days I should just have stayed in bed.

Or maybe I should have a gin and tonic and pick up a truck driver instead.

Is it True Blonds Have More Fun?

I never really noticed how many fantastic looking brunettes there are out there until I went blond.

Seems that every place I look, I see a gorgeous brunette woman. I was brunette for a very long time. I was born with black hair, not dark brown, but black.

Years passed and I was about 40 when my ex-husband (now late ex-husband) gave me a gift certificate for a complete day of pampering, beauty and luxury at the Elizabeth Arden Day Salon in San Francisco. I think I got something like $700 or $800 worth of treatments and services on this visit.

I was a good friend of my ex-husband's wife, but I really never knew how she felt about him gifting me with something so extravagant. Since we are still friends, I doubt she minded that much.

Man oh man, it was a treat! I had the massage, the manicure, the pedicure, the facial, the make up, the hair and a lovely lunch as well. I was talking to the stylist and told her that I had always wished I could go blond just to try it. She said, "Oh, heck, let's do it!" and I was scared but very willing. I had never done anything drastic with my hair in my life before this.

It took several hours to get me to that perfect silvery blond that she thought would be great with my skin tone. (I'm too olive skinned for the more yellow or reddish tones of blond.) By the time the stylist finished, I was feeling very strange about the woman in the mirror. I seriously didn't recognize myself!

Alex was a little disappointed to see me as a blond. He always liked me dark haired. I guess he's gotten used to it over the years. Now I surprise myself when I see old photos of me brunette! Actually, several years ago, we went to a costume party and I went as Elvira. I wore an almost waist length black and silver wig, a very low cut black dress with a very push up bra and I looked pretty damned good if I do say so myself.

People seeing the photos and only knowing me as a blond have said "My God, woman, you should have been a brunette!"

Here I am as a brunette when I was about 35. I don't know. I always wanted to be a blond when I was growing up. I guess you always want what you don't have, huh?

My kids still kid me about being their little illegal immigrant mama. But I look less the part now!

It's so funny that this girl looks so foreign to me. I barely remember who she was, except that she was very wild. This photo was in a photography magazine and the only thing I was wearing was the smile you see!

Believe it or not, it was not a hard core anything. I used my arms and legs to cover anything too personal, so it was definitely rated PG and not R.

This Is Not Turning In To A Cat Blog

Alex is always looking toward the cutting edge; he's just that kind of guy. He found something called Nature's Miracle Cat Litter.

The miracle part I must not really understand but a slight miracle has occurred since we started using this stuff.

First of all, the litter looks kind of like sawdust. It's a weird brown color and strange texture. Also, it does very poorly as far as odor control is concerned.

Since Alex said he paid a lot for it, he insisted that Smokey, our cat, would get used to it. Uh huh.

Yesterday I went to clean the cat litter box. There was NOTHING in it. How queer, I thought. Then I remembered Alex getting up at 3 AM to fly out to Georgia. Silly me thought to myself "Self, Alex must have cleaned the kitty litter before he left for the airport! Wasn't that nice of him?"

Now today, I went in to clean the kitty litter and lo and behold. Nothing in the box but the icky sawdust. I ran to the closet to make sure Smokey was alive and his functions had not shut down. He opened an eye in greeting, but remained otherwise immobile. Smokey is a night time guy, and he almost always sleeps all day.

I was thinking about calling the vet for an emergency appointment when another thought crossed my mind. Could he be going somewhere else? I sniffed the closet where he sleeps and smelled nothing too upsetting.

Then I went to the kids play room. Right on top of the pretty little quilt on the bed is a pile of cat poop! Oh, and on the floor, there are neat little piles of cat poop surrounding the room. Dear God in heaven! Here's the miracle! For the first time in 15 years, Smoke has not used the litter box.

I guess Smoke didn't like that litter either. So he told me in the most direct way he could.

It reminds me of the time I got some weird-assed toilet paper at Walgreens. I swear it was two rolls that would each last a year. The paper itself was a very funny hard texture and it was dense. I think each roll weighed about 5 pounds. Kind of like using a butcher paper for your ablutions. I put the two rolls in the two bathrooms that Alex uses most.

Of course, I got another type of tissue for myself in my two favorite bathrooms. I did notice that the paper in Alex's bathrooms lasted for about 3 years. He never complained. Hmm.

Okay, what was I thinking! Alex would clean the kitty litter pan at 3:00 AM before he flew off to Georgia? Was I smoking crack cocaine?

Blanca or Leo - You Are Getting Fixed!

This is not a picture of Blanca/Leo. I feel I must protect the privacy of the real Blanca or Leo. When you are skinny, homeless and dirty, do you want your photo stuck on somebody's blog?

I think not. The cat in the photo is an internet cat and looks to be in fairly good shape. My Blanca/Leo is not nearly as presentable.

I made an appointment for her/him to be neutered on Friday morning. Blanca or Leo will also get shots on that day. I am taking her/him to the Oakland SPCA where they will do the operation for only $60. Not bad really. I did explain that the kitty is a stray, and I have no current plans to adopt it. Uh huh. Yeah, sure.

I think they charge another $15 for the vaccinations and the cat will probably need three of them. I will bring her/him in and stick him in a bedroom for the night before the the procedure. He or she may not like it, but too bad. I can't go around at 6:30 AM searching for the darned cat.

Oh, and after the operation, I'm going to just stick the cat right back outside on the sidewalk, right? Say, bye now, Blanca or Leo! See you tomorrow for a can of food! Have a good night! Yeah, that's going to happen all right.

I really wasn't planning on another cat. I am a dog person. Why am I messing with this damned skinny blond cat? The cat got all excited yesterday and bit my ankle in his or her exuberance! Nice! Drew blood in fact. Okay, I doubt the cat has Rabies but still.

I'll let you all know if we are dealing with Blanca or with Leo just as soon as a vet tells me. This is all too hard really because Alex is in Georgia probably going to Nudie Bars and having fun and I'm abducting a homeless cat and force sterilizing it while trying to get it to live in my house.

Sometimes I am in awe of my stupidity! (Yeah, this is Blanca, Leo directly below.)