The Lady,The Stolen Dog,The Recovery

Helen is 80 years old. On October 30, she was walking her dog, a six-year old, six pound Yorkie named Deuce, at two in the afternoon near her home in Alameda.

Two young men approached her and one simulated having a gun. They grabbed her purse, and then to add insult to injury, they grabbed her dog. Helen had been quiet until they grabbed Deuce and then she started screaming "Don't take my dog!" Her hand was cut trying to hold on to his leash.

Neighbors heard her cries and ran out and chased the two purse and dog snatchers to their car about a block away. The thieves escaped, but one bystander did get the make and model of the car along with the license plate number.

One of the perpetrators was caught the next day. He said he had let the dog out in a park in the City of Stockton, about 40 miles away. The other thief has not yet been caught yet.

Alameda is an island community and relatively small with a population of about 70,000. We have an unusually large police force though. And we have very little crime. This incident was publicized all over Northern California.

On Tuesday, November 9th, a woman in Stockton was approached by a homeless couple and offered a beautiful little Yorkshire Terrier for $20. She gave the couple a $20 and took the dog home. That night on the local news, she saw the story of Helen and Deuce and put two and two together. She called the police.

Deuce had fortunately been "chipped" and was positively identified as the kidnapped dog. He was returned to his owner and his home the next day. Alex and I both had tears in our eyes when we saw Helen and Deuce on television last evening being interviewed. Helen's relief and joy were so touching. And Deuce looked very happy to be back with his person.

I saw a white haired lady at the shopping center today with a Yorkie. I ran after her and asked her pup's name. It was Deuce. I hugged her and said how glad we are all that he is back home. She was smiling from ear to ear. I petted Deuce and he was smiling too.

When you are older, your dogs become like your kids. I am so relieved this lovely woman got her best friend back. I told her I had two dogs, and don't know what I would do if one of them was taken.

I didn't add that this would be most unlikely. They are both big dogs and only friendly if I tell them to be friendly. They are both very well trained with hand signals. They even know how to show their teeth on command.

I would probably tell punk-ass kids to go ahead, take my purse, just reach for it! Oh, and grab the leash while you're at it. Come on, just a little bit closer! You can do it! Oh, relax, they are just smiling at you! Relax! Just a little bit closer.

Dining Dilemma

My husband Alex and I go out to dinner a couple of times a week. I like it when he calls and says "Don't start dinner. Let's go out."

We have a wide variety of dining choices in our relatively small town. We have Thai, Cambodian, Indian, Mexican, Chinese, Afghan, Korean, Vietnamese, as well as the usual Italian, Mediterranean, and California cuisine offerings.

We have a favorite restaurant called Pappo's. It would probably be considered California cuisine, with a French influence. Pappo's opened about 3 years ago and we have been eating there about twice a month since it opened. The place features all organic, locally grown produce and vegetables, high quality meats, quality affordable wines, and a nice varied menu, as well as sleek surrounds and a very polished staff. Although Pappo's is a little more expensive than other restaurants in Alameda, I have always felt it was worth the extra expense.

When I go to a restaurant for the first time, I never complain or criticize the food or send anything back. I figure if I don't like it, I won't go back, but you give a place a try. When I go to a restaurant where we eat all the time, I will send something back to the kitchen that is not prepared to my liking.

I am always quiet in my conversation with the wait person. I explain why I don't like the meal, and they either replace it or if I say "never mind", they take it off our bill. My husband Alex cringes when I do this. Now, to be clear, this has occurred at Pappo's twice in 3 years. So I am not a chronic "take it back" syndrome person. Also, keep in mind, I am never unpleasant about asking to have something returned.

Still, I feel you are doing a restaurant that you frequent a disservice not to return a piece of chicken that is overcooked and stringy, or a soup that has way too much salt. I would much rather let a restaurant "make it right" for me and continue going there, than to have to find a new "favorite" place.

Alex disagrees. He feels like you eat it or don't, but you never complain about it, no matter what. I've seen him request a "well done" hamburger that is brought to him bloody. He eats it. I've seen Alex order a glass of red wine, but he will drink the white wine they bring him and never say a word.

At home, he has no such problem because I cook everything to perfection. (Or I toss it in the trash and call for a pizza.) I think Alex worries that restaurant staff might do something unpleasant to his food if he complains. At home, I might do something unpleasant to his head with a cast iron frying pan if he complains so he never does.

Men Never Make Passes At Girls Who Wear Glasses. Oh Really?

My almost 18 year old grandson went to a prom last year with a very cute girl who rocked a pair of glasses even in their formal prom picture.

I think I was a little surprised that the girl left them on for their photo. I asked my grandson, Cyrus, about that and he replied "I love girls in glasses!". When I asked him why he loves girls in glasses, he said "...because they look so sexy, and smart too. And there's just something about eyes behind a pair of glasses that are intriguing."

I guess this doesn't really surprise me that much. This is not the first time I've heard a guy express his preference for girls who wear glasses. My husband wears glasses. I think he looks great in them.

I think the thing with glasses may be that moment when someone takes them off. That act in itself can sometimes can be very sexy. In fact, I think I've always kind of liked guys in glasses. (But that could also be because if they wear glasses, they do not have perfect eyesight, therefore, I'm going to look better to them when it counts!)

Maybe it's because when someone takes off their glasses they are showing you a vulnerable side of themselves. I don't think I'd have the same reaction to someone taking off a wig or a toupee though, or someone pulling out a set of dentures.

The thing with taking off glasses is sort of like seeing someone undress in a way. It has an intimate feeling to it. I love watching men take off ties and unbuttoning shirt sleeves to roll them up. Why I find that sexy, I don't know, but it is.

I am a total make up whore. I never leave the house without it. In fact, since I was about 15, putting on my face was something I just "do" every day. Oddly, I've had men I've known who liked to watch me take off my make up and found it very sexy to see me with none.

(Weird, huh? But there are men who find it sexy to see a woman cut up a turnip or plunge a sink, so go figure!) With the no make up thing, since I always wear it, I guess it's sort of an intimate thing to see me without.

And don't we all like seeing something a little "intimate" once in a while!

The "Ho Bus"

My husband, Alex, and I went to a ballgame in San Francisco a few weeks ago with my daughter Sheila, her husband, and their 2 kids.

About 10 PM, we were walking back to the car after the game when I saw something that had not been on the radar when I lived in the City a few years ago.

There was a bus with a plexi-glass window going down the street right in front of us. In the bus window, there were two young ladies in g-strings gyrating their butts against the glass. Loud music came from the bus sound system.

I was somewhat amazed when the two girls moved aside and there was a third young woman working a stripper pole in between them. I asked my daughter, "What is that all about?" and she replied that it was the "Stripper Mobile" from Larry Flynt's Hustler Club up on Broadway. and the girls are "Hustler Honeys". Uh huh.

A lot of men ran out into traffic to get behind the bus. Cars swerved, and people (men mostly) catcalled out of car windows.

Arianna, my 14 year old granddaughter quickly corrected her mother by saying "Oh Mom, that's just the "Ho Bus"! We see it all the time."

The performers certainly had a crowd of people watching and trying to follow them. Now, since we have outlawed hand-held cell phone conversations and texting while driving, I guess that legislators feel these g-string clad strippers are not that much of a distraction.

I suppose that because it was at ten in the evening, I thought the "Ho Bus" was fine. But apparently they drive around during the day too which I think is a little strange. (It's kind of like the 7:30 AM hookers out trying to drum up some business before guys go to the office). I'm not interested in much of anything at 7:30 AM myself. In fact, nobody is supposed to talk to me or touch me until after 9 AM.

I think the "Stripper Mobile" sounds pretty cool, but so does the "Ho Bus". Call it what you will, I thought it was just amazing.

It's So Not My Season

I hate Fall.

I've always hated Fall. People can talk all they want about the leaves turning and "oh how beautiful", but people, those leaves are dying. They fall off the trees and at first they are red and gold, and then they turn into dead and decayed.

Leaves are falling like hookers on an icy slick sidewalk after too many tequila shots at a used car salesman's convention in Reno. But at least the hookers can usually get up again. Leaves can't.

Stupid squirrels are grabbing everything they can lay their grimy little rodent paws on and running everywhere leaving nuts and shells and acorns in their wake.

Also, the light is weird. It can be sunny, but it's a watery sunny. The skies can be blue, but it's a watery blue. Oh, and before long, it's dark when you get up, and it's dark way before you go to bed. There is only that puny watery light in between.

I had flowers and magnificent roses. What do I have now? Ugly bushes with no flowers, that's what I've got. The only thing I can count on is my oak tree. It never loses its leaves. Everything else gets brown and dead. What is pretty about everything dying in front of you? Or if not dying, going into a coma until next April.

Winter vegetables are coming! So what's so great about brussels sprouts and squash and apples? Okay, they are pretty good but still. I like strawberries and peaches! I like corn on the cob. I like summer vegetables and fruits.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. If there is anything nastier than a big old dead naked turkey I don't know what it is! Ugh!

My daughter says Fall is her favorite time of the year. Uh huh. Look at all the wonderful turtleneck sweaters and patterned tights, wool trousers and boots you can wear. Great! Frankly, I hate turtleneck sweaters and I hate wool trousers and I don't like boots either. I like strappy high heel sandals, silk blouses, tank tops and skirts and capris.

I should have been born a bear. I could eat huge quantities of food and then hibernate until the world comes alive again in the Spring.

Winter bothers me less than Fall. Winter at least is honest about what it is. And the light improves a bit in Winter too. It's not as watery. Plus, Winter has Christmas and my birthday so I get presents. That makes it worth staying up for.

This Guy Walks Into A Bar

Alex and I went to dinner last night in Oakland at a pretty upscale place.

I pulled out a black and white Diane Von Furstenberg dress to wear and figured why not go all the way? I got a pair of sheer black nylons that have a silver anklet around one ankle. Very jazzy! I put on the 4" stilettos too since I knew I would not be walking that much.

Yeah, okay, I looked pretty good. We had a lovely dinner and decided to extend the evening with an after dinner drink at "Z's" in Alameda, about 6 blocks from home. Z's is a vampire bar but hey! You only live once, right?

I spotted two white haired men and avoided any eye contact with them because I knew they were vampires. Alex and I walked to the end of the bar and I took a seat. Alex said "I'll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom." What is it with my husband that he has to go to the bathroom every place we go? I never go to the bathroom anyplace but home, except if we are traveling. Then I go, of course, but only in our hotel room.

Anyway, I'm sitting there minding my own business and this guy walks into the bar. He spots me sitting alone at the end and comes over and takes a seat one stool away. He vaguely smiles in my direction and I vaguely smiled back at him. He seemed to be working up the courage to say something to me. About then, Alex walked back and took a seat next to me.

The guy got up and stretched and shook his head. The bartender took our orders. The guy stood walked up and down a few times while he waited for his drink. Alex looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face. I shrugged. (I'm cool like that.) Our drinks came and the guy drank his pretty fast and walked out. Alex asked me "What was that all about?" and I replied "Hell if I know." (Yeah, right.)

A few minutes later, the guy walked back into the bar and headed right for me. He mumbled something like "I know you from somewhere" and I shrugged a little. He handed me a piece of paper and said "please read this." I smiled (vaguely again) and put the paper in my bag.

Alex said "He just gave you his number!" and I said "I don't know what he gave me." (I told you I was cool.) Alex said "I can't believe you put that guy's phone number in your bag." I shrugged. (Damn I'm good.)

I waited until the vampires had left the bar and for anyone close enough to see what had transpired to move on. I opened my bag and took out the paper. I tore it into small pieces and wrapped it in a cocktail napkin and asked the bartender to throw it away for me.

It was time to go home.