As I thought to myself "Self, you've really done it this time", I realized that my left hand was turned in a really weird and painful way! Shoot! (Yeah, that's not the word I used.) I got to my feet and stumbled into the house and looked in the mirror. Shoot! (Again, that's not the word I used!) My nose was bloody and shoved to the side, my mouth was bleeding from where my front teeth had cut into my lip, and my eyes were rapidly turning black. Oh shoot! (Right!)
I called my doting husband and asked him to come home and take me to the ER. I stuck ice packs on my face and hand and spent the time hoping for the best.
The hospital asked me if I was a victim of domestic violence, and I assured them that I was merely a victim of clumsiness and stupidity. My face would heal, I was assured, but my hand was fractured. Shoot! (Damnation!)
Being a vain bitch, the face sort of bothered me. It did look like I had been busted in the mouth and nose by an abusive lover. (Most of my lovers would have hesitated to hit me because I am actually a good shot.)
After 5 weeks in a cast, I was actually beginning to feel more pain, not less, in my hand. I visited the doctor yesterday who told me that while my bones had healed, I now had nerve damage in my hand that was causing the swelling and pain. Oh shoot! I'm set up with a physical therapist on Friday so I'm counting on that helping. My hand looks sort of like a monster movie, all swollen and shiny and collapsed in certain areas. The doctor told me he could recommend me to a pain clinic, but I really don't want to go around sticking morphine patches on myself for the rest of my life so I'll wait a while for that.
Now, what really pisses me off is that I got a call from American Express this morning asking me if I had made a $300 purchase at a supermarket in New York within the last hour. I assured the agent that I had not. Apparently, my credit card had been "cloned" and used today. Fortunately, we may have caught it before any real damage was done. Shit! That's good news! (Yeah, I mean "Shoot"!)
