Granny Panties

I’m somewhat sorry to say that I gave up thong panties a very long time ago. The truth is I only wore them once and that was enough for a lifetime as far as I am concerned. There is nothing sexy to me about having a ribbon of material stuck up my butt. It may sound cute or sexy, but it doesn’t feel cute or sexy. Know what I mean?

I did get a thong because I had heard it would make me feel sexy, and it would get rid of the dreaded “panty line.” Uh huh. What is so wrong with a panty line? Or for that matter, if your panty line shows, the clothes are too damned tight for you!

Bikini panties are fine, if you don’t mind the muffin top that comes out above them. I have several pairs, and if I’m not planning to show them to anyone, they are okay under something loose. My favorite type of panties actually come up to my waist. And cover my more than adequate butt. Go figure! My panties are purchased for comfort over style. Love cotton. Love not getting a wedgie!

I know someone who is a real panty princess. She cleans her perfect little silk panties with an old toothbrush to keep them pristine. I’m sure the people who see them are impressed. I would be.

If I want to impress somebody with my panty choices, I have devised an interesting way to do so. I buy two or three pairs of just amazingly sexy panties, the kind with the string up the butt, or bikini. I cut the tags off of them. (Also, I should mention that you might consider purchasing no bigger than a size 4 when you get them. The reason will come clear in a moment.)

Get a little lingerie rack for your bathroom. Wash the panties once, and artfully arrange them on the rack. Leave them there. You can also spray them with a little musk perfume, (or rub essence of fried chicken into them if that works for you).  Invite all your friends to use your bathroom whether they need to or not. (You can always say, “George, would you go get me a Kleenex from my bathroom!” Or “Suzie, please get me a couple of aspirin from the medicine chest in my bathroom.”) You get the idea.

Your male friends will have lustful thoughts when they see the red lacy thong, and the pink see- through bikini panties. Your girlfriends will be jealous that you wear such tiny panties. And the best part of all is that you simply need to shake the dust off of them every month of so. Voila! Your image has been vastly enhanced, and you never ever have to put those suckers on your size 8 butt.