My mother was a savvy woman. She encouraged all four of her daughters to wear padded bras beginning when we first need (or wanted) a bra. The reason for her encouragement took me a long time to figure out. Okay, is there one young teenage girl out there who would be "fine" with people saying she wore a padded bra? Uh, that would be a "no". As a result of wearing the enhanced with rubber pads bras, no boys grubby fingers were ever allowed anywhere near our bosoms. (Of course, when I was almost 16, this changed forever. I realized there was absolutely no reason to enhance what was already bountiful.) And, yup, you guessed it. The end of virtue!
Now, another very delicate topic. Period panties. From the time I started my period, I realized that this messy business would ruin any underwear I put on. In order to salvage a few cute pairs of panties, I decided to choose a couple of pairs of "period panties". These were the ugly ones my grandmother gave me, cotton and drab, with "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday" and so on stamped on the butt. (God forbid you have that accident parents warn about on a Wednesday and you are wearing your Saturday panties.)
Period panties become stained. It's a fact of life. In the old days, tampons were not for use by virgins, and so the Kotex pads (all two pounds of them) were fastened on to a "sanitary belt" to be held in place inside the period panties. Of course, the pad was prone to slippage. What a mess. Never mind. It's just the period panties.
As an adult woman, I found the perfect use for period panties all month long. If I had a date, and I was thinking that I did not want to get intimate with the man, I would slip on my period panties before I went out. No matter how desirable, wonderful, and sexy this man was, there was no way he was going to encounter those gross period panties. Should you change your mind about not sleeping with him, too bad. Save it for next time when you are not as virtuous!
HAHAHA! I am laughing my ass off! Were we seperated at birth?
ReplyDeleteSylvia, I have a sister who swears she has no idea what period panties are. I think they mixed her up at the hospital with you! At least I hope so!
ReplyDeletePersonally, unshaved legs are what I use when I want to keep my panties on. My unshaved legs would make a Joshua cactus feel like a baby's behind.
ReplyDeleteOh heck Lin! Four or Five chocolate exlax tabs 1/2 hour before the date would work too!
ReplyDeleteThis article is a riot, Linda! And I recall those day-of-the-week panties. I remember a girl at camp (Girl Scouts) stole one of them, and I went without on that day. ... While we're on the topic of period panties' upholding our virtues, I'm happy to share that I've begun shopping on-line for a chastity belt. Then again, I'm always losing my keys.
ReplyDeleteAva Barbi! You do not need a chastity belt! I can find you much better solutions that that! Those damned chastity belts make a girl smell down right funky. There are better ways. If you are a very private little flower and want to email me to discuss this, feel free. lindamedrano@comcast.net
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Period panties! Oh yeah, I used to have those. I'm also from the era of sanitary napkins and belts. What a pain in the ass those were!
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