Saturday, April 10, 2010

Perfect Boyfriend 101

When I was single, I almost always had a boyfriend. I had a pretty much perfect formula listing the requirements to be my boyfriend. I thought I'd share these requirements with you.

Keep in mind, Perfect Boyfriend 101 has no similarity to Perfect Husband 101. They are totally different things and have different requirements altogether.

1. He must have a pulse, be conscious at least part of the time, and be breathing.

2. He must be able to speak a complete sentence, even if it is in a foreign language that you do not understand.

3. He must have at least 18 teeth. And he needs to brush everyday.

4. He must smell all right. He does not have to smell good, but he can't smell bad either.

5. He must bathe or shower at least 3 times a week if it's hot.

6. He must have a job, an unemployment check or be on disability.

7. His disability should not interfere with his ability to do your bidding.

8. He must love to eat and enjoy what you cook.

9. He must not call his mother every morning at 9AM.

10. He must think you are God's gift to men.

Okay, now how simple is that? Tall or short, rich or poor, heavy or slender, smart or dumb, those things really didn't really matter if he had the 10 qualifications. As far as age is concerned, I figured anywhere between 19 and 90 was fine, (and if he couldn't walk, I'd carry him.) I adore men. Each and every one of them! Always have, always will.

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