Monday, May 24, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I used to dream of travel. Heck, I used to love travel! I've been to Europe, Mexico, Canada, many of the states in the US including several trips to Hawaii.

At this point, I really dislike going anyplace for more than a day trip. (Let me come home and sleep in my own bed.)

I hate restaurant food served on plates with pieces of parsley for decoration, along with that dumb slice of melon. I don't want anybody walking up to me and saying "How are you folks doing today/tonight?" Or, even worse "I'm Jody and I'll be your server."

If I'm going for decoration, I make something attractive to eat. I'll put jasmine rice in a cool shaped pyrex cup that has been lightly oiled and turn it out like a jello mold and top it with black sesame seeds, but I will not lay a sprig of parsley on a plate to make it "fancy". Parsley is not fancy. I'll stand ribbed chops against the rice and wrap bacon around the bone if I'm going for fancy! I'll stick an edible orchid on the sauteed spinach if I'm going for fancy!

I don't like air travel. I suppose if I was flying first class or on a lear jet, I might like it a little better, but not by much. I find myself eyeballing other passengers on planes wondering which one has the bomb and where they've got it. Also, if it's a long trip, you start actually thinking about eating something that might be brought to you, not because you are hungry, but because of boredom. This, I might add, is always a mistake of sometimes tragic proportions. Even if you are flying first class, the food is a nightmare.

If there is anything I think I would hate more than a long boat trip, I can't imagine what it would be. If I want to look at water, I'll go to the beach. A lot of my friends swear by cruises. I'd rather be shot dead.

Long car trips make me tired. No matter how big the car is, there isn't enough room for comfort if it's over a two hour ride. And sure as shooting, if it takes you two hours to get there, it's going to take you two hours getting back.

Now a 20 minute trip with the top down on a sunny day is different. No packing, no eating in restaurants that have signs like "Mom's Home Cooking", or "Fine Eats", no scratchy hotel/motel sheets, no wondering who else has slept on that pillow, no pay per view soft core porn!

The one travel experience that I always thought I might like was the "Orient Express", and it isn't running any more. Pity!

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