Hooking Up Officer James

I met Officer H. James a couple of years ago.

He works as armed security at the Coast Guard Island Military Base in Alameda.

I'll be honest, I have made goo goo eyes at him, and he has at me as well. I don't know his first name, so I just call him Officer James.

He is 40ish, studly and what my husband Alex calls a PMF. (That's Alex's acronym for PrettyLooking Mother ******.) I agree wholeheartedly. He is indeed a PMF.

Okay, I have a cleaning lady who has a daughter we'll call Marina. We'll call her that because it is her name. Marina is 20 years old and comes to help her Mom every other week at our house. Marina is gorgeous and looks like a 20 year old Jennifer Lopez.

Marina's parents are from El Salvador. They are lovely people. We have known Marina since she was 8 years old. We have attended her First Holy Communion, her party when she turned 15, her Confirmation, and her high school graduation. In other words, these people are family, not employees. (In fact, Alex has given Marina cell phones, computers, printers, laptops, an ipod, etc.) We love her.

Marina is going to Junior College at the present time. She needed a job so we got her an application from Coast Guard Island so she could apply to the Base Exchange there. Marina applied and was hired in record time.

I asked Marina if she had noticed Officer H. James. She said she had and that he was "mean". I was flabbergasted! Mean? He's hot, Missy! That man sizzles! He's a PMF!

Marina responded that he had teased her and she didn't like him.

Next time I talked to Officer H. James, I told him my friend said he was "mean". He was visibly upset over that charge. "I was teasing her" he said. Uh huh.

I told Marina she should ask him out. She said "Eww! He's old!" Say what? This prime specimen is in his prime, Honey! In fact, he would be a great match for Marina. He is cute, nice (from what I can see) and has a Jay Oh Bee. Excuse me Sister. You will not be able to keep it forever! (I give good advice as you can see.)

I mentioned to Officer H. James that I had told Marina to ask him out. He flashed those white teeth at me, smiled and said "What did she say?" I responded, "She said that wouldn't be right."

Oh baby, (Officer H. James), I'd never hurt your feelings. Even if you are kind of a dirty old man for thinking about going out with a 20 year old girl.