Fake Smiles

Can you grin like an idiot when you are sad? 

I can.  I'm bored and I'm missing my husband.  I've done a number of things to "keep myself busy" but none of it is working.

I had dinner with a friend on Friday night.  Eh.  I bought some new sandals.  Eh.  I bought $100 worth of new panties.  Eh.

I'm taking the dogs out in a bit to Coast Guard Island.  That may or may not cheer me.

Alex is gone again and he has been for a while now.  He spent all of the month of June away, and he's gone until the end of August this time.  Shoot!  That's our summer!  I hate it when I'm home alone.  But I hate doing things just to be doing things too.

I went to a party yesterday hosted by a lady across the street.  I really didn't know anybody but they were all friendly people.  I drank two glasses of white wine, felt it hit me and went home.  I just felt miserable.  Being around a bunch of people didn't make me less miserable.

I think I should put on my ratty old robe and ratty old nightgown and just not get dressed until Alex comes home again.  Oh wait.  I have to go to San Francisco to the doctor tomorrow.  I like my doctor so I don't really mind.  Well, I do mind because he's going to ask me if I've been to the gyn and had the mammogram he ordered for me.  I have not done either thing and I have no immediate plans to do them.  I am just not in the mood for all that tom-foolery right now.

Maybe I'll ask the doc for some happy pills.  Oh shoot, I doubt there really is such a thing.