Monday, September 17, 2012

Losing My Cherry

This is a story with a moral.  So pay attention.

When I was 14, I stopped being a tomboy and started being a normal, active, girly girl.  At first, my mother was thrilled.  But then, not so much.

I lied about where I was going.  I had "secrets".  I kissed boys.  I went to parties where the parents weren't home.  I smoked cigarettes.

My mother was fairly strict.  She had told us all the important things that young females should know.  For instance, if you give away milk, nobody will ever buy the cow.  We also learned that if we ever smoked pot we would turn into a heroin addict. Also, if we lost our virginity, nobody would ever want to marry us.  (I did wonder a bit at this last bit since my mother had been married before she married my father, but let's let that slide for a moment.) 

When I asked my mother about how a guy would know if you were a virgin or not, she said there was an absolute way to tell.  Virgins had something called a hymen.  (Gross, right?)  A man would know immediately if his new wife was a virgin. 

Well, it was a safe bet that I wouldn't be giving away any milk or smoking pot and I was going to remain a virgin so I could get married.  So far so good. 

I went to a party one night with a couple of girlfriends.  There were guys at the party and no parents.  We had fun, dancing, listening to music, and some making out may or may not have been going on.  On this particular night, I had told my mother I was going to the library with my girlfriend and then spending the night at her house.  (Only that second part of that was true.  We were not going to the library.)

When I got home the next morning, my mother was waiting for me.  She was furious for some reason.  Mom asked me "Where were you last night?" and I responded "I was at Cheryl's house" to which she continued to grill me for details.  "Were you at a party?"  (Busted.  No way out. But I gave it a try anyway.)  "I was at the library."   Mom yelled "Oh no you weren't!"  So I figure the jig was up so I admitted I had been at a party (after the library, of course. I wasn't ready to surrender and tell the whole truth just yet).

Apparently, some girls (not invited to the party and jealous) had called my mother about 10 PM and told her that I was at a party and had sex with about 10 boys while I was there.  I was struck dumb (as in speechless not stupid) by this accusation.  I told her that just wasn't true.  She told me she was making me an appointment with a doctor to find out if it was true or not.

I shrugged.  Whatever.  I knew for sure I had never had sex so I had no real concern about having a doctor examine me.  Sheesh!

I went to the doctor and he examined me and told me everything was fine.  I already knew that.  But my mother said that the doctor had told her "Your daughter is not virtuous."  WTF???  Does he mean because I lied about the party or what?  My mother told me, "No.  You do not have a hymen so you are no longer a virgin."

Actually, I was a little relieved to find that out.  Now I could quit worrying about "losing my virginity" since I wasn't a virgin anyway.  Oh, and I could also use tampons!  Happy days!

Years later, I told my mother that I was actually shocked that a medical doctor would have told her what he did.  She explained that he had actually said that I didn't have a hymen but that it didn't mean anything.  She made up the rest to intimidate me into telling her the truth. No real harm done and I have the ex-husbands to prove it.

But damn!  You mean I stopped being a virgin a full year before I ever had sex?

1 comment:

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