Thursday, May 23, 2013

Wife For Lease

I finally figured out what I'm really good at!

I am really a good wife.  Last weekend, my girlfriend CT moved in with me and my husband Alex.  CT is one of my oldest and best friends.  She recently sold her condo and left this morning on a planned vacation to Texas to see her family.

Rather than rushing into finding a place to live right after the two week close on her condo, she accepted my invitation to stay with us while she sorted out her living situation.  CT is an architect, an artist, and a truly fun person.  Alex loves her as much as I do.  CT and Alex share a birthday and a love for goofy movies, including sci-fi and slasher films.  I'm at a loss to understand either of them.

CT is a pretty low maintenance woman.  She's staying in the blue bedroom off the parlor because she has allergies and the dogs fur is abundant in Harry's apartment.  Harry's apartment has more space, but CT prefers the pet-less blue room.

I am delighted to have her with us.  CT was amazed that I actually cook a complete dinner every night.  She was astounded when she found out that I pack a lunch for Alex every evening and that I also pack one for her.  I think what really blew her away is that I do laundry (including hers) three times a week. 

Alex and CT get home after work about the same time.  They both come in and I ask them if they'd like a beer or a glass of wine.  They both change into "play clothes" when they get home.  After they change, they sit in the kitchen chatting and watching me cook while they enjoy their pre-dinner libations.

After dinner, I encourage CT to join Alex while he walks the dogs.  When they are out on their stroll, I clean up the dishes and make their lunches and set the coffee pot up to be turned on in the morning. 

CT had a late meeting last night.  She didn't get home until after 8 PM.  Alex and I had beef tacos for dinner, but I made a tuna salad for her because she is not really that keen on red meat.  The tuna salad was served on a bed of lettuce, with chilled asparagus, heirloom tomatoes, hard boiled egg, red onion rings, and capers.  CT commented that she would have to start giving me "wife money" like Alex does.

Actually, I couldn't agree with her more.  This random comment made me realize that I'm sitting on a gold mine.  (Okay, "sitting on" might be a little more racy than I intend  as it might imply something a little more carnal in nature.) 

In any case, I can see a market for this type of service. I'm cheerful and I smell good.  I usually make an effort to look attractive before my spouse comes home from work.  I'm a good cook and a proficient and reliable laundress.  I raise my own herbs to ensure that they are fresh for my family.  I can discuss current affairs with ease.  I take accurate telephone messages.

I'm thinking I could supplement my income by hiring out as a "professional wife".  When I was a working woman, I would have loved to have had me at home.  I would have paid dearly for someone who cooked meals, kept my house clean, and did my laundry, was attractive and smelled nice  and did it all with a smile!  I would have never even considered making sexual demands of someone like me.   (Well, maybe I would have, but I also know that extra service would have cost a lot more money.)

The "professional wife" business is really a good idea, don't you think?

59 comments:

  1. You'll be as rich as Donald Trump in no time! Brilliant plan!

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  2. Damn! Can I move in, too?

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  4. You have no idea how much I love that you "take accurate telephone messages"!!

    Now. Who do I make the cheque out to?

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  5. Three words: June Cleaver lives.


    More words: The fact that you keep insisting that you smell good while doing all of this wifely stuff had me laughing like a damn fool.

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  6. June Cleaver. (Please don't tell me you're too young to know who that is. I mean it. If you don't know, don't tell me. I'm feeling old and frail and this could tip me right over the edge into a nursing home.)

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  7. Haha! Great post! I think you're on to something :)
    Being a good wife starts with being a good friend ... and you're obviously both!

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  8. You are a good wife...we could use one of those around here...the kind that packs the lunches!

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  9. Does a "professional wife" charge her sister wives? Just asking for a friend...

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  10. Only if all the wives are like you. Being cheerful and smelling good are the best credentials, EVER!!!

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  11. Oh my God, my dear departed father loved that show. Although we weren't the Adams family by any stretch.

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  12. The credit card is for the air fare, you realize. I fly coach, don't worry. My "wife money" is $200 a week. Alex thinks it's a bargain.

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  13. My kids called me "Mama Morticia".

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  14. My kids called me Father All Powerful and Knowing. Now I'm working on the grandkids.

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  15. @nonamedufus, except for the grandson who paid more attention to your birthday cake than you, I'm pretty sure you're not going to have a problem brain-washing the rest.

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  16. Didn't everyone want to be June and Ward's kid? If they did spin-off shows back then, I'm pretty sure a show about Eddie Haskell's family would most closely resemble my family.

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  17. I knew you'd know, but I'll be crushed if @Nicky doesn't which is why I don't want to know if she doesn't know.


    Believe it or not, I don't like wife things except being married to my husband.

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  18. That's a great idea! You definitely do good work. Very cute picture of you, too.

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  19. I think it is a great idea as well. I wonder though....do other people realize what a treasure a good wife is? I, too am a good wife in that I cook, clean, nurture, smell good etc. but when I see other woman that aren't doing any of that, their husbands seem to think that's how its supposed to be. Their husbands are used to fending for themselves and living in clutter and don't miss what they don't have.

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  20. Gee, Linda. You sure your name's not June Cleaver? I always wanted a mama like that but she never came along.

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  21. Naw, June was white bread. I am a far cry from white bread.

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  22. Those gals are probably really good in bed. I'm just good at making a bed.

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  23. Thanks Jeanie! I like that happy homemaker picture too!

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  24. I'm not sure I know what you mean by that....Well, to be more accurate, I don't know what you mean at all.

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  28. Throw in a generous, loving heart, my friend. You're not a gold mine. You are priceless!

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  29. Thank you, my dear kind and generous (and gorgeous) friend!

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  30. I'm moving in! I love dogs so I don't mind a bit of fur...

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  31. Hahaha! "I'm cheerful and I smell good". Best line ever!

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  33. I decided I am done with husbands, and am now seeking a wife. I would love someone to be all of the above! I think my personal ad would read - loving, intelligent mid 40's bi mom of two looking for companion. Must be willing ready and able to nurture my family, including 4 legged variety. Sense of humor and able to engage in intelligent discussions a must. I am gainfully employed and able to support the family with ease. I seek a partner in life.

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  34. Tigger, I think you are on the right track! I too raised two kids alone and I really could have used a wife! Finding someone who is fun and easy to be with, who loves kids and dogs and cats, and who likes to cook and do laundry should not be such a chore. But it is! What I would have given to come home after work to a smiling face, well-tended kids and a hot meal; it would have been paradise!

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  35. Kato, I like the taking accurate phone messages the best!

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  36. I too love dogs and kids for that matter. A bit of fur never has bothered me in the slightest! You and Oscar would be so welcome!

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  44. Hey Linda! I've returned to blogging and so am making the rounds. What a great post! EVERYONE should have a great wife at home. Alex and CT are very lucky. I like it, too, that you refer to the "blue bedroom." Makes me imagine many bedrooms in various colors.

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  45. We have two guest bedroom room suites, a red room and a blue. Our room is a yellowy peachy color and the children's room is sort of vanilla. Our house is a Victorian and the paint is mostly pretty colorful.

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  46. CT says she is going to give me "wife money". I love wife money! I don't care who gives it to me.

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  48. The Equestrian VagabondJune 1, 2013 at 4:58 PM

    I think it's a fabulous idea! you should trademark it. Of course, Alex and your lucky friends would be out of luck because you'd be booked all the time.

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  49. That would fix them, Merri! Hah!

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  50. Oh Linda, you are the best friend ever and obviously an amazing wife.

    CT is very lucky to have you - and I am thrilled you're enjoying each other so much!

    Also - Will you be MY wife? Once my son goes away to college next year I will need someone to take care of me! xoxoxoxoxo

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  51. Of course I would be your wife. And I'll give you a reduced charge too.

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  52. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  53. When can I move in? :-)

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  54. Mom, you re such a jolly good wife! Taking tips. lol



    Add 'I can wipe snotty noses' and you can be a 'professional mom too'. I think there will be a lot of takers.

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  55. Ginger, I am so glad to see you! I've missed you Honey!

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  56. Another sister wife? Well, why not!

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