Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Tricks For Screwy Teeth

Okay, my teeth are fine now. 

But, there is a trick to use if you ever have the kind of problem I did with my Bugs Bunny temporary veneers. 

This trick also works like a charm if you have red or swollen eyes. 

Are you ready?

Girls, show some bosoms!  Nobody even looks at your teeth or eyes if you are flashing a bit of bosom.  This trick is also good for bad hair days, pimples on your nose, or even if you have crossed eyes.  Believe me, the guy at the store won't be wondering about the pimple on the end of your nose when you are at the check out counter.  He will never notice that your teeth look like those of a seriously deranged rabbit.

My dentist yesterday seemed surprised that I had been concerned and unhappy about my very long, to the right slanted front teeth for 10 days.  She said, "I thought they looked fine."  (Never trust a dentist to tell you the truth.)  The dentist also told me that the porcelain veneers would look perfect.  (I didn't trust her with that one either.)  Much to my surprise, (and delight), that part was true.  They do look fine.  The color is perfect as it matches all my natural teeth.  One of my fears is that I would have two snowy white chicklets replacing my two front teeth.

I have had a recurring nightmare for years.  I'm out somewhere in public and I bite into an apple.  My two front teeth come out in the apple.  There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.  I'm horrified realizing that my teeth are just "gone".  As a result of this dream, I make sure to never eat apples in public, okay I don't eat apples at all now. 

Apples are bad in a lot of ways.  Look at Adam and Eve.  If it hadn't been for an apple, we'd all be running around naked in the Garden of Eden being pain free and happy all the time.  This all sounded a bit strange to me actually.  If it was true about Adam and Eve and the Snake and the apple, why isn't the first commandment "Thou shalt not eat apples"?

Now all I have to do is pray I don't lose these veneers in my sleep and swallow them.  I really can't afford to do that.

Nor can I afford to buy a bunch of new low cut sweaters.

30 comments:

  1. With your trick, I am crap out of luck...I was left out of the big boob club!
    Just make apple pie and you'll have no problems!

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  2. So now do you go around telling men "Hey, my teeth are up here"?

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  3. I haven't eaten apples for years. It has everything to do with my teeth and nothing to do with Adam and Eve ;)

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  4. What's up with you and Dufus and the dental work this week? Glad you're pleased with the results... although with your rack, I'm sure you're right about nobody noticing!

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  5. HA HA HA!!! As soon as you wrote "show some bosoms" I looked down at your beautiful bosoms! I wish mine were as glorious... but perhaps I could get a push up bra... cause you have a GREAT idea there!

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  6. Wait, you have a face???


    Seriously though, what's the trick for guys who are self conscious about their teeth? I suspect it'll still be years before I can grow a proper set, so that's out.

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  7. I am happy to hear that the new veneers turned out so well. I am not sure that I could get by with bad veneers as my boobs are all that spectacular.



    That is hysterical about why the first commandment isn't "don't eat apples." Very funny!!!

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  8. Actually, Cheryl, Pagan that I am, I really consider it to be more aptly called "The Ten Suggestions". Boobs are boobs. Any kind do the trick.

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  9. In your case, just show those legs, Mike!


    Nobody will even care if you have a mouth.

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  10. Push up bras are fine. Men really don't care what they are looking at as long as they are seeing something.

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  11. Thanks, Boom Boom. I high school my nickname was "Ti*'s Medrano". I appreciate it more now than I did then.

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  12. I never really bought in to the Adam and Eve thing, Babs. I'm all about science.

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  13. I'm good with applesauce too, Suzicate.

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  14. Lol, show some bosoms indeed. Note to self, before going to dentist buy a push up bra.

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  15. My dentist is a young woman and not the least impressed with my bosoms. The deal is, if the dentist makes you a temp crown or something and it's orange or green and on one of your front teeth, Nora, get that push up bra for when you interact with the public at large.

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  16. Linda - believing a Dentist who says, "Oh, you look great," is about as reliable as believing your first date who says, "I'll respect you in the morning."

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  17. So you are telling me I went wrong long long ago? Come on Ann! Give a woman a break!

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  18. Oh, no, not at all. I'm sure you played hard to get and he had to follow up with, "The check's in the mail."

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  19. Actually, I believe I accepted American Express at the time.

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  20. I can't bring myself to type what I was thinking, so I'll just say your teeth look great.

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  21. Sorry, I meant to comment days ago but I couldn't stop staring at your bosom. They totally highlight your gorgeous smile. :-)

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  22. Thank you, my glorious pet and queen of all she surveys!

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  23. OMgosh, I've been dreaming about swallowing and losing my teeth for years. What does it mean?

    You. R. Stunning. Xx

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  24. http://ladyfi.wordpress.comJune 20, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    You're so funny! And just think about Snow White and the poisoned apple.


    Must say you're looking GOOD!

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  25. Bahahahaha! You my dear, are a genius! I'm glad your teeth are back to normal!

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  26. You and me too, Kato! Those bunny teeth were a drag!

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  27. The Equestrian VagabondJuly 30, 2013 at 8:48 AM

    you crack me up!!! where was this great advice in my younger years!? I swear, EVERY TIME I was about to meet/work with/hang out with this one guy I had a crush on, I got a big honking zit. Had I known about the Bosom Thing (although it makes perfect sense, I was clueless), thing might have turned out differently with him! sheesh.

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