Friday, February 12, 2010
Greed and Need
In my turbulent youth, I had such greed for things that were out of my reach. I truly lusted for "the good life". I didn't see a diamond watch that I didn't want! I didn't ever pass a store window full of exotic things that I could not afford without feeling an overwhelming sense of "want".
How those shiny baubles beckoned to me! I was in such "reduced circumstances" that I was mastering the art of using two pairs of pantyhose (cutting the leg off of the one with the run in it), in order to dress for my menial job. I was divorced, in my mid-twenties, and had two children, John, age 4, and Sheila, age 1.
To say we lived modestly is a joke. I was a full fledged member of the "working poor' class. I did provide for my kids, but it was so difficult that I doubt I could do it today.
For all of that poverty, I was never depressed about our situation. In fact, strangely, I remember that time as the best of all my life. The kids were such wonders! And we laughed all the time! (I cried too, but that was after they went to bed.) The important thing was that we had each other.
Still, I wanted! Oh my God how I wanted! I wanted lobster and champagne! I wanted expensive shoes and bags! I wanted trips to Paris. I had kool-aid and hot dogs!
The strange thing is that now that I'm a "full grown woman", and I can afford almost anything I want, I want so very little. I'm just as happy with a card for my birthday as I am with a gift. I see ads for pretty things, and I dismiss them with a "uh huh, pretty" and never have a second thought. And the thought of champagne makes me slightly nauseous!
Isn't life strange?