Thursday, September 16, 2010

Organic Security Systems

My neighbor, the conspiracy theory guy, approached me yesterday.

I was outside to bring in the recycle garbage cans when my neighbor rode up on his bike and beckoned to me. I walked over to him and he said, "Linda, I just wanted to warn you, there have been a lot of break-ins in the last couple of weeks."

I thanked him and started to walk off with my rolling cans. He stopped me again and said "If I were you, I'd have my guns where I could reach them." I laughed. Uh huh.

I pondered this advise for a moment and replied "I have organic security" while gesturing at the 80 and 90 pound beasts at my gate watching this little encounter intently, lest someone reach for their mistress. My neighbor foolishly did exactly that, reaching over to pat my shoulder. The dogs set off on a terrible frenzy of barking, lunging, and trying to jump the 7 foot iron gate.

Honestly, they were magnificent in their fury. Their teeth were bared, mouths frothing, fur stuck up all down their backs in their outrage.

What my conspiracy theory guy neighbor does not understand, and what any evil doer will tell you is that he'd rather face a home owner with a gun than a big dog any day of the week.

People hesitate. Dogs don't.

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