Isn't there always that one person? The person who you think about unbidden over the years.
I haven't seen him for over 40 years, but sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel like he just left me.
I met him when I was young. The first time I saw him, I knew I was in love. Drastically, fatally, forever and ever in love.
Of course, I know now that kind of love is more mental illness than anything else. Still, my blood would zing through my veins when I heard his voice on the other end of the telephone. He was handsome, witty, charming and a surgical intern at the hospital where I was undergoing a surgical procedure. He has a slow southern accent and very gentle hands. I knew that what I felt for him was not what he felt for me.
We somehow managed to be an item of sorts for about 3 or 4 years. When it ended because he met someone he fell in love with, it hurt. Over the years, I have gone over and over what I could have done differently to have made him love me. Hah! The truth is, there's nothing you can do or not do to make anyone else love you. Either they do or they don't.
As a recently divorced 24 year old woman with two children and a shaky future plan, I guess I romanticized being married to this handsome young doctor. Life would be so grand!
The last time I saw him, he was parking his car in the neighborhood where I lived. I had both kids with me and my heart lurched when I saw him. I waved hello, and watched as he helped a lovely young woman out of his car. She smiled at me too. I kept walking.
Yes, I've looked him up on the internet. Of course I have. I learned that he moved to a small mountain town near the Nevada border and was a practicing surgeon there. Maybe a couple of times I year, I would "Google" his name. Today, I did it for the last time.
It seems he has had his license to practice medicine revoked. He was charged with 6 counts of "gross negligence" and lost his career. Of course, he's in his early 70's now, so I suppose that's not really a huge surprise.
Still, I can't help but feel a real sense of closure over him. I'm glad I'm not married to that grossly negligent asshole.
If you go to "We Work For Cheese", you can see what other people talk about with a prompt of "And Then She Said".
Wow what a story!!! It's funny how you can really think a lot about someone but not get them... and then you find out some terrible thing they did later.... makes you glad you did NOT get that person!
ReplyDeleteIt is funny but sad too. I think I spent so much time thinking about how "wonderful" life would be if only... Only to realize I wasted a lot time on a fantasy.
ReplyDeleteI love this and think it should be required reading for all girls aged 12 to 29!
ReplyDeleteAnd then we think...it wouldn't have happened if he had wound up with us. We could have changed him. (This is where the needle should scrape the record.)
ReplyDeleteWow, your story, as they say these days, escalated quickly. I guess some things aren't meant to be for a reason. Funny how life works out sometimes.
ReplyDeleteNo, it was never meant to be. But you put that reality into a little box and ignore it because you have another little box with the love letters that you don't ignore.
ReplyDeleteNaw, I knew that he was selfish and rather careless with me. Why would he be any different now? I'm just not romantic over it any more.
ReplyDeleteIt's really strange to see all of this with a clear mind and without the whole romantic nonsense that I played with in my head for years.
ReplyDeleteNope it wasn't meant to be, and the reality of it falls far short of the romantic fantasy. In the end, though, life does have a way of working out like it should, even if it takes us by surprise sometimes.
ReplyDeleteFor a lot of years I felt sure that I was not "good enough" for this man. It's an awakening to realize he really wasn't "good enough" for me.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sad ending...All that hard work, only to have the rug swiped from under him. A happy ending for you though.
ReplyDeleteNot really, Totsy! I don't take any pleasure from his bad ending. But I find I no longer idolize the person I thought he was. Truly, I imagine that the gross negligence thing that actually did cause a person their life in one case was a lapse in judgment from a man of 70 plus years still trying to be a doctor. Maybe he was just too old to keep doing it and I can understand that. I can't say I'm sorry he's not practicing medicine any longer because that's anybody's worse nightmare, an incompetent doctor.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing is just so ironic, Cheryl. It's actually a very sad situation for him and I'm sorry he wasn't just able to retire on his own terms, but alas, it was not a good ending.
ReplyDeleteI held onto the idea of a man I once loved for far too long too. It was so easy to fantasize about how good we'd been together back in those very carefree days. I could always bring myself back down to earth by remembering why I broke it off. It took me close to 20 years to finally light a ceremonial fire and burn each of his letters and cards as I said a final good-bye to the fantasy.
ReplyDeleteWow. I'm sure glad you didn't STAY with him either!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, Meleah. The thing that breaks your heart because you didn't get it turns out to be the thing that would have ruined your life if you had.
ReplyDeleteActually, I lost the letters and cards many yeas ago. I don't have any idea what happened to them.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I love you, Linda! I really like the way you think. You lulled me into the heartbreaking loss of bright future with a handsome young man then WHAM! Love love love that last line:" I'm glad I'm not married to that grossly negligent asshole." I couldn't have said it better. :)
ReplyDeleteI love you so much, Malisa! And you always make me laugh!
ReplyDeleteYep!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're not married to him, too! Alex is a much finer choice!
ReplyDeleteAlex has lasted 25 years, not 3 or 4 muddled years. I guess that speaks for itself. It's just so strange how things turn out.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I couldn't help but chuckle at that last sentence! And yes, Alex is definitely a winner!
ReplyDeleteI seldom use profanity, but in this case, well, I couldn't help myself!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it takes year, or decades, to see that in the end, we really lucked out!
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the weirdest thing ever, Merri? I mean, really!
ReplyDelete