Affairs of the Heart

The first time I fell in love, I was 12.

I was at summer camp and we had a counselor named Jan. She was a blond girl about 20 years old. Jan could swim like a fish, use a bow and arrow and hit a target, and had sort of protruding teeth that looked very sexy to me. I loved her and her funny teeth and boy haircut and slim tanned legs.

The second time I fell in love was when I saw my son for the first time. He was funny looking and had a long pointed head. He was pulled out of me with forceps and one had caught his eye and left it swollen shut. I had prayed for a son, and for just a moment I thought this child was god's way of punishing me for screaming in labor "if it's not a boy, you fucking keep the kid" to the nurses. If I had a girl, at least I could use cosmetics to make her look better. Fortunately, by the time we went home, he was pretty close to perfect. Even funny looking, I knew this child had changed me forever because I finally really understood what love was.

The next time I fell in love, it was when I first saw my daughter. She was perfect to begin with, and she's stayed that way.

It was about a year after my daughter's birth that I fell in love for the 4th time. I was in the hospital the day before surgery to remove my thyroid gland. A long-haired hippie doctor walked into the room and introduced himself to me with the most wonderful southern accent I had ever heard. He was 6'6" and the most amazing man I had ever met. He had long golden curls pushed into a pony tail. The good doctor and I became lovers and remained such for several years. He left me for a nurse. C'est la vie!

I loved all of my husbands at least for a time anyway. I still do love my current husband most of the time. (Yes, I hate him on occasion.)

The last time I fell in love was at the Oakland SPCA. I was looking at the dogs and saw a beautiful German Shepard mix named "Fern". She was the calmest dog in the whole place and she smiled at me when I walked up to her cage. I called my husband over and said "This is the one for me." Alex was unconvinced and thought that the dog looked like a pit bull. I was undeterred by his opinion. Whatever she was, she was mine for life.

We brought her home two days later. Since "Fern" is a goofy name, I renamed her "Honey" and that suits her much better. She's still not demonstrative in the slightest. She is not a tail wagger type of dog. To show affection, Honey pushes her body up against a person and leans her shoulder into them. It's enough.

Honey smells of warm musk. She has the most wonderful scent I have ever encountered from any man, woman, or child. She lays on the bathmat next to the tub when I am bathing and the smell that rises from her intoxicates me.

I am pretty certain I will fall in love again, and it's always such a wonderful surprise when it happens.

I may have even already done it.

Photos Lie

Two weeks before the birth of Sheila, my second child, my husband and I were in Palm Springs.

I looked pretty radiant in my pregnancy and my husband looked like a proud papa to be. I doubt anyone looking at us knew that we were actually on the verge of divorce.

This photo was taken about the 1st of September and I gave birth to my daughter days later on September 12th. By December 12th, my husband and I had called it quits and he had moved out of our house.

It seems funny that we looked so normal, happy even. We were far from happy and probably further from normal than most couples. Why can't I see that in this photo?

We fought about everything after the first year of marriage, maybe even before that. The second baby had been an accident of sorts. Even if you fight, when you are young, you still have sex.

Neither of us was pleased when we found out I was pregnant with this 2nd child because we both knew we were not going to be a couple much longer. Still, ending a pregnancy was not really ever an option.

I'm amazed we looked so calm and so damned happy. I'm amazed that I looked calm and happy in photos with my 3 year old son and my 3 month old daughter.

Smiling for the camera covers so much and lets you show what you want to show. I've always been good at that.

Lucky me.

The Problem With Marriage Is Sex

Marriage is a time-
honored institution in many countries including America.

For a lot of years, men and women have been getting married. Why? Well, because they love each other, of course. They want to share their lives with each other. That's a sweet notion, isn't it? In most cases, there's even an element of passion that goes along with this sharing. Having that loved person in one's bed every night sounds like a good deal to a lot of people.

What a crock!

Okay, there are tax advantages to filing as "married" rather than "single". There are frequently even other less obvious advantages for the married. People tend to "trust" married people more than single people. Bosses seem to feel married people are more worthy of promotions. Yeah, society smiles on the married folks.

Now, there is one subject that many married people do not talk about because it may not be the most attractive part of being married. That subject is sex.

Single people think nothing of having 3:00 PM sex if they feel like it or 11:00 AM or 4:00 AM sex. Single people have sex in the laundry room if the urge strikes.

(I've even known single people who might have had sex at the laundromat and even in phone booths, but that was at night, of course.)

Many single people have sex in cars. This is not because they have no place to live, but because they don't want to wait until they get home.

Single people are not usually "too tired" to have sex. Or if they are, it's because they stayed up all night having sex and didn't get any sleep at all the night before. Married people are frequently too tired. And it's even worse once a married children complete the pact with (eek!) children.

Sex itself is frequently more entertaining when one is single. People try harder to impress their partner in bed. Single people are more inclined to be adventurous than married people are. Many married people would either laugh or gasp if their spouse pulled out a dildo, a paddle, or other entertaining "equipment". Single people are more likely to roll with it.

Of course, married people don't have to risk nasty diseases or blackmail photos or videos just to get some, and there's an element of "comfort". That's an advantage. I guess the "Saturday Night Special" has its quiet charm too.

But I still think there's a lot to be said for the way the single people do it. Maybe it's risky and maybe it's morally "bad" but damn! It certainly is fun.

(Okay, I'm admittedly over-sexed.)