Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Delirious, Demented, Or Daffy

Have you ever started telling somebody something and had them look at you in that way that says they have no idea what you are talking about?

I've been sick. I'm taking Cipro (an antibiotic), Sudafed (an antihistamine) , Aspirin, cough syrup, and a nasal spray. (My preference is really for other more user-friendly drugs, maybe even the kind that can be smoked or made into brownies.) My temperature rose to 103 degrees yesterday. I felt really bad with a sinus headache, aches and pains all over, and a head full of cobwebs and worse. It felt like I had fractured almost every rib I have with the violence of the hacking cough that had developed. Most of my day was in and out of a conscious state.

Something really fascinating happened. I closed my eyes and realized I could open my eyes keeping my eyelids shut and see through my eyelids. That really was not the interesting part though. The interesting part was that I could watch television this way without even turning on a television. In fact, I was in a room without a television.

I watched a martial arts movie, a shoot 'em up, and then a soap opera that sort of bored me. At the time, it seemed a little strange but I learned I could switch channels by merely opening my eyelids alone with my eyes. I did not recognize any of the actors or shows that I was watching. Another strange thing is that some of the shows were in color, and others were in black and white.

Now, I may have been asleep, but I really don't think so because I was very aware that this was strange. I was also really sort of excited that this might be a result of drug interaction or the actual malady that had laid me low. Think of the advantages. No more hardware.

When I told my husband, he said I needed to go to the doctor. I said my doctor has ordered me antibiotics. What else can he do?

Alex responded, "Not that kind of doctor, Sweet Pea."


Monday, November 14, 2011

Looking All Cute And Sh*t

Of course, it serves me right.

My dog trainer, Todd, is coming over to see me and the pups today. Todd is really really really cute. In fact, he's downright adorable. He's tall, blonde, muscular, and has a gorgeous smile. What is not to like?

Yeah, since Todd is coming over, I made sure to put on something cute. I mean, I have no real designs on Todd since I am a married woman. Okay, he hasn't asked me one thing about my designs either. But that doesn't mean I don't want to look all cute and shit when he comes over.

That "all cute and shit" comes from my girl, Totsy. If you are not acquainted with Totsy Mae, please go check her out. I purely love her to pieces.

See, earlier today, I was looking all cute. I did wonder why I was having this little cough thing that was starting to drive me crazy though. By 11 AM, I'm not only coughing, my nose is running like a damn faucet, and so are my eyes. Every bit of my eyeliner is gone. My nose is all red from using the tissues every two seconds and I'm having chills and hot flashes almost at the same time.

I've changed out of my cute "outfit" into a pair of fleece lined sweats and I've taken some Sudafed. Now I feel like I've dried up like an old prune. No more tears or saliva either. And I feel like I'm underwater.

I guess Todd will have to deal with me when I'm not all cute and shit.