Wednesday, July 18, 2012

It All Started Early This Afternoon

This sheet looks like it had an unfortunate encounter with red or pink dye.  I assure you it did not.  The room is red and for some reason, it reflected the color on the white sheet. Part of the problem might be that the sheet is wrinkled, but I'm not tripping on that part just yet.  Ironing a poorly folded sheet is just not that important, now is it?

Let me back up.  As you may know, Nicky, the glorious jewel of the blogging world, is coming to visit me next week.  In preparation for her visit, I have done a few things to make Nicky feel good about coming to visit.  I have put on fresh sheets on the bed in her room, ordered the flowers, cleared out drawers for her use and emptied the "guest bedroom" closet.  Further, I have cleaned the bathroom with an old toothbrush to be sure that she and her darling son Max will have pristine surroundings.

I've gotten some fun toys for Max to play with and gotten Nicky some nice bath and beaut;y stuff (not that she needs any the beauty part), and forbade Harry to lie on their bed until after the visit.

I even cleaned up my linen closet.  Well, sort of.  The problem is those frigging fitted sheets.  I have never been able to figure out how in the hell to fold a stupid fitted sheet.

Never mind.  Since Mama never taught me, today there is another answer.  I went on the Internet and was amazed at the videos available on just this subject.  I watched about ten of them and then thought, "Hey!  I've got this!".  Little did I know that after 3 hours of trying my damnedest I could not make the sheets look like they did in the videos.   My one hope was that Alex (my brainiac husband) would come home, watch the video and fold the sheets correctly.  This man is a rocket scientist.  He's a rock star in his field.  He is a stud!

Unfortunately, the sheet I photographed is the one fitted sheet I folded and it's the best one of the bunch.  Alex attempted to follow the directions and then just rolled the frigging sheet up and said "There!  That looks fine!"  Alex is a total idiot!

I had so wanted to impress Nicky with my home-making skills.  I had so wanted to have Nicky love us and want to live with us as my "sister wife".  Alex has no idea how his half-assed non-effort has just made those things next to impossible.  I am distraught beyond words.

Nicky, forgive me.

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