Thursday, March 1, 2012

My New Hannibal Lecter Chair

All I need is the mask.

I've recently had some back trouble. Actually, recently is loosely translated to the last 30 years of my life.

Once or twice a year, my back goes "out". Now, since I'm a person that looks for "solutions", I determined that the chair in my office was not giving me the kind of support I needed for my lower back.

I figured that a new chair was certainly in order. I began to lobby my husband (yeah, "nag" is synonymous with lobby) for a new chair.

We went over to Office Depot a couple of nights ago and I tried out their various chairs for support and comfort and determined the $200 "leather and mesh" chair would be the most comfortable for me. Last night, Alex pulled the box containing the chair out of the wagon and took it into the basement for assembly. It took quite a while. This concerned me a bit because Alex is not great at following directions. Actually, scratch that, Alex does not ever look at directions.

After about an hour, Alex came upstairs with my now assembled new chair. As he was rolling it into the office, I realized this is the ugliest fucking chair I have ever seen. It looks just like the chair that Hannibal Lecter was transported in. Of course, in "Silence of the Lambs", Hannibal also had a mask. When I expressed to Alex that this was a really seriously ugly chair, he said, "Well, it does look like one that they would use for crazy people in straight jackets."

Now, this chair is actually quite comfortable. But it is also very evil and ugly looking. Why is it that you cannot find something aesthetically pleasing that is really comfortable. Maybe that's why so many people wear such ugly shoes. Maybe that's why so many people walk around in baggy sweatpants.

There is something very S&M about the metal phallic thing sticking out of the back side of the chair.

I hate it when I get what I want and it's not what I want.

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