Crime Scene Clean Up

My husband Alex is a very accomplished man. He is Navajo and maintains many ties to his tribe and his family.

He's retired military and served for 25 years, and has a ton of ribbons, medals, and plaques to honor his accomplishments.

He's a gifted software programmer and a defense contractor. But I have finally learned that if he wants to change fields, I have just the perfect new career and company name for him: "Crime Scene Clean Up And You Don't Need To Move The Bodies"

Last night, I was having a little glass of wine in my office and looking at email. After a few minutes, I decided to go in the kitchen and catch the last few minutes of news. I picked up my wine glass (which contained about 2 ounces of red), and started out of the room. Somehow my high heel shoe got caught in the fringe from the rug in the office.

I realized I was going down (and not in a good way) so I tried to protect the glass. Uh huh. Save that red wine! Unfortunately, the wine flew in the air, glass broke and I flew in the air too, landing on my just diagnosed "Frozen Shoulder".

The fall knocked the wind out of me and I couldn't even scream at first. Then I was able to scream for help and scream I did. I was truly afraid to move since I felt like something important might be broken to shreds.

When Alex finally came to see what the screaming was about (and no, I don't usually scream, but Alex is a calm guy), his first reaction was "Oh My God! What a MESS! What happened?". Uh, what happened? He was of course referring to the broken glass on the floor, the wine splashed on the wall and the rugs. He was not referring to his wife, lying prone on the floor panting in pain. In fact, he said "Honey, let me help you up. We've got to get this cleaned up."

Uh, no Alex. I cannot move. I cannot get up. I may be paralyzed for life. You go ahead and clean up and I'll just lay here. Well, wouldn't you know it? That's exactly what he did! He sort of cleaned around me, all the while saying "Baby, are you okay?". Well, Shit, Honey, of course I'm not okay. Just finish up and then you can call 911. Seriously!

I did manage to let Alex drive me to the hospital ER and spent a lovely 4 hours there, getting xrayed and iced. I finally saw a lovely young Chinese Doctor (with blue braces on his teeth which made me feel a tad funny). He said I had contusions, but no fractures and that was good. The doc also put me in a splint.

I have to admit, the whole evening was one of those "Other than that, How did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln" deals. Still all's well that ends well. The wine is off the walls and the rugs, and the broken glass is cleaned up. And I know Alex could get a new job at crime scenes with no doubt!

Oh, and that wretched fall may have busted up some of the ice in my Frozen Shoulder. At least I hope!