Monday, January 10, 2011

Experimentation and Moral Downfall

We have had a Krups coffee maker for about 10 years.

Unfortunately, it has gone semi-kaput or kerplunck. (Sorry, if that's not a word, it should be.) We can still use it, but there is something askew about the basket for the coffee.

At first, my husband thought he could "fix" the coffee maker, but I was afraid he would either poison us with crazy glue or electrocute himself.

After some discussion, Alex and I decided we could "spring" for a new coffee maker. I looked at the Macy's ad and found a nice Krups coffee maker and pointed it out. "Uh huh," Alex said, not taking his eyes off the football game he was watching.

At half time, because we had run out of beer, Alex ran to Nob Hill Market to pick some up. When he got back home, he said proudly that he had purchased us a new coffee maker. He proceeded to tell me this was a very "posh" coffee maker. When I inquired how he knew that, he said the guy at the store said so. Well, then of course!

When I opened the package and found the coffee maker, I really couldn't figure it out at all. "Where is the coffee pot part?" I asked. "Huh?" Alex responded opening a Heineken and watching the television screen.

I continued examining the new coffee maker and truthfully could not make heads nor tails out of it. There was no place to put a filter full of coffee, nor was there a pot for the coffee to brew into. When Alex tells me something is "posh" I know that is his word for "frigging expensive".

Yes, it came with directions, but directions are not my strong suit. I'm not technically inclined and I'm very bad about following directions.

It turns out that this coffee maker is very special. You have to insert little plastic containers of first creamer and then espresso coffee into a little slot for one 8 ounce cup at a time. Once figured out, it's not hard but we no longer have the option of making a "pot" of coffee.

Perhaps the worst part of all of this is that this steamed cream and espresso coffee is the best coffee I have ever tasted outside of Paris. Drinking four 8 ounce cups of this brew is being moderate for me now. (I generally drink one cup of coffee in the morning.) Worse still, there are 60 calories in each serving of this sinfully wonderful coffee.

I feel like somebody who has just taken their first shot of heroin or crack. I know I shouldn't go back for more, but I can't help myself.

These little coffee pellets are quite expensive too. So now I have to think of a future where I am out on the corner, swinging my pearls, while soliciting johns for sex so I can support my "posh" coffee habit.

Another issue is that I will have to troll for johns who have a preference for wide-bodied women because after the extra 250 calories in my morning intake of coffee everyday, there will be more of me for sure.

No comments:

Post a Comment