Sunday, August 1, 2010

So Much More than a Hardware Store

This has to be the creepiest place in town and that is saying something since we also have a Vampire bar.

It's dirty, dusty, and every inch of space is packed full of weird "stuff" including garden gnomes. Please tell me none of you have garden gnomes.

The aisles are very narrow and poorly lighted. I think I was molested in the aisles once, but as dark as it was, who really knows for sure.

Some of the aisles lead to rickety staircases. God help anyone who climbs them. Also, some of the aisles are so narrow that nobody but Jayne with her size four ass could fit to walk through them.

If I'm ever in there when we have an earthquake, I'll be dead and so will anyone else who can't get out. I'm pretty sure the people who work here are on the peculiar side, and that's not just because it's all a family who look very much alike in the wrong way if you get my drift. You would have to be strange to surround yourself with this stuff every day. Even the concept of a hardware store is difficult for me to understand. (How can they fill a store with stuff that I don't know what any of it is?)

There are jumbled masses of clutter everywhere you look. The store hires people who patrol the aisles because they know that no customer can find anything in here. Plus, after 7 or 8 hours of being lost, someone has to help you find your way out of the maze.

I am sure a lot of unsolved murders have happened in this store. Why my husband drags me in here in the first place I don't know. I feel creepy crawlies all over me from the time I walk in. And I see a lot of weird lights and it's not just the haphazard Christmas lights they have strung here and there throughout the store that are up year round. I mean, who does that?

Is it any wonder I'd rather go shopping someplace that I can admire things like this?

Give me an Asian woman in a hot dress any day of the week. I'll buy her antiques, her dresses, and her shoes. I'll also buy her paintings and not mind the price.

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