Friday, March 26, 2010

Friday Confessional

Glamazon Mormon Mom has graciously given us the chance to unburden ourselves every Friday. As a young Catholic girl, I learned all too well how to do a very successful confession.

I continued to use this practice when I went to see my doctor as an adult woman. You see when they ask certain questions, the only thing to do is lie! Same with confessions! This week I'm going to open up about how it used to be done.

1. I smoked, drank, and flirted with the fish man this week. (Okay, I smoked pot, drank a quart of gin, and slept with the fish man twice on Tuesday alone.)

2. I didn't give Mama all the change from when I went to the store. (Okay, I cleaned out her change purse when she wasn't looking to buy cigarettes.)

3. I said a bad word. (Every other word out of my mouth was the "F" word.)

4. I had impure thoughts about Roland Pagni. (Okay, I gave him a .... never mind.)

5. I was immodest in my dress one day. (I flashed my boobs at the senior class basketball team.)

6. I had impure thoughts about my sister's boyfriend. (Yup, I boinked him.)

7. I ate meat on Friday. (Oh you don't even want to know!)

8. I missed Mass last Sunday. (I was too hung over to get out of bed.)

9. I took something that didn't belong to me. (Okay, it was her 3rd husband so what's the big deal.)

10. I had impure thoughts about my history teacher. (Uh, yeah, I did get an A++).

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