Friday, March 12, 2010

Friday Confessional

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Wait, maybe it should be bless me husband for I have sinned. Or maybe even bless me IRS for I have sinned.

I am guilty of the sin of sloth. When Alex travels, I sometimes don't even put on my clothes at all but sit around drinking coffee in my robe and pj's all day. I either read blogs, or surf the net or watch reality tv which is a really stupid use of my time.

I am guilty of the sin of murder. I didn't do the murdering, but I encouraged Alex to kill his mother and step-dad's pet spider named Humphrey. We were newly weds and he knew that to get his little bride to put out, he had better do her bidding. Now, I of course, had no idea that Humphrey was a pet of my in-laws. Had I known that, I would have said nothing about it in the first place.

I just realized there's another sin right there! The sin of omission.

I told my husband I was heading down to do laundry yesterday when he called. I was lying. I wanted to finish reading a blog.

I got up this morning and drank 5 cups of coffee to get high on caffeine so I could hurry up and clean up the house and put some laundry in the washer before Alex gets home.

I worked for an elderly man when I was in my 20's named Mr. Lewy. He was a jeweler and he used to pat my butt when he walked past me. I let him because I was really lousy at my job and figured I had to make up for it somehow. He fired me anyway. So much for the pat on the butt! Old bastard!

When I was married and had no children, I would stay in bed all day reading until about 10 minutes before my husband got home. Then I would run around and hide everything that needed cleaning and pretend I'd been working all day. Yeah, he was kind of stupid. (Not this husband, another one.)

That's enough for this Friday, but man, do I feel better!

Thank you Glamazon Mormon Mom!

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